What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 25.06.2025 14:01
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Walmart Nintendo Switch 2 restock: confirmed time it'll be in stock - The Shortcut | Matt Swider
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
What did i know ?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
What are some reasons why some people may be against stay-at-home dads or working moms?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
RBC Canadian Open 2025 prize money: Full payout from $9.8 million purse - Yahoo Sports
I think the readers, may guess!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
So whats the point in blame.
Common Antibiotic Found To Tame Blood Pressure in Surprising New Role - SciTechDaily
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
What are the best Jewish jokes?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My life is so biszare .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Have you been arrested or investigated?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But it wasn’t much.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
'Cosmic miracle!' James Webb Space Telescope discovers the earliest galaxy ever seen - Yahoo
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But, we were locked up after school.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Comes on , in middle age.
He knew the spot.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She wouldn,t have been !
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My family never makes their pension either.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I will be 64.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Who then, do I blame.?
She loved him until the end.
She married twice! .
So, i spoilt her more .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We all went to grammer schools
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
This is soul school!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We were not on the streets..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And i lived it daily.
I have no regrets .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I never cut or harmed myself..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Im still living with it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was scared of men, in general
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I write beautiful poetry .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One cannot live in the past .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was 9 years of age.
Would this be the day?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He resisted the act ,that day.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I said to her
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
When she asked me how she looked .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
All the time i was locked up.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
It was going to be , some day.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I couldn’t, believe it.
I waited trembling.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She found it foreign!.
I don,t even have a pension.
I was seconnd youngest,
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She was in good health!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Put me off passion for life!!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was very sick at this time too.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As i do to all so called friends.?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Ive learnt so much.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Especially a lifetime of it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
(And it was in our own minds.)